Remember this one from a while ago? This was written by Mucus Girl on the
Ani list. (That Same-Sex Ed one way by yours truly, btw.)


---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Thu, 12 Dec 1996 02:43:57 -0500 (EST)
From: aimee germain <aimgerm@umich.edu>
To: Sally Green <sagreen@biology.lsa.umich.edu>
Subject: As Straight As I Am (fwd)

Sally, I'm on the Ani DiFranco mailing list, and there's this one woman on
it who always does amusing parodies of people's songs...usually Ani's.
But this time, she did a parody of a Dar Williams song, and I figured you
might be interested. Dar is the latest obsession of all the Ani fans on
the list. It's kinda weird. I'm not that familiar with her music.

-aimee

---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Wed, 11 Dec 1996 20:26:40 -0500
From: Mucus Girl <miki@randomgirl.com>
Subject: As Straight As I Am

Hey again, List Humans!

This ras been running around in my head for a few days, and it just ran out
all over the computer. It's my latest parody, which, surprisingly IS NOT of
an ani song OR about some unfortunate bodily mishaps. It's of Dar Williams
"As Cool As I Am." Hope you like it!

Wierd Al Mikovich

O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

As Straight As I Am

Yeah, there was a time, I didn't like the truth, I liked denial.
You were my boyfriend then, I was running around in my straight girl style.
We were both afraid, of not living up to our assigned gender roles.
You were so controlled by your own insecurities and your fear.
And so you have a word for every woman you think looks, "A bit queer."
Like you call us, "Dutch Boy and his Little Dyke"
And you turn to me, you say you hope I'm not offended.

No, I'm not a lezzy, as straight as I am, I though you'd know this already.
I will not sleep with other women, I will not sleep with other women.

So now we're at a club, we see two women dancing, and I gasp,
They are kissing and I grab onto your arm a tighter grasp.
And the whole bar is out and proud and everybody's flirting, yeah.
I play the straight girl saying, "I didn't know this was a homo place!"
And then this girl comes up, looks me up and down and then she says,
"As long as there's a penis, you're fine.
But I could teach you how I learned to fuck without a phallus."

No, I'm not a lezzy, as straight as I am, I thought you'd know this already,
I will not sleep with other women, I will not sleep with other women.

But she brought me out, there was no mess, I don't know why I was so distressed.
So I went to you and my soul was bared, I guess you were caught quite unprepared
And now it's amazing that I denied that I was gay
But you know what they say about those who are always busy protesting....

And so I'm leaving, and I'll find out how much better sex can get,
And it if helps, I'll say that I was already gay when we first met,
So when you find someone else, find someone straight, it might work next time.
You look out of the kitchen window and you say something like,
"I just don't get that stuff, I'd say that woman is a bull dyke!"
And I look out and say, "Yeah, she's really cute."
And then I go outside to join the queer girls, I am a queer girl.

No, that wasn't easy. I don't know who I was, but now I'm just gonna be me.
And I'll have sex with other women, and I'll have sex with other women.

O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O
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---------------------------------------------------miki@randomgirl.com------

Small Human Quotation O' the Day, overheard during music class:

"You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Nixon....."