darp1

This is one of the grosser parodies that I've ever written. Good thing
none of Dar's songs lend themselves well to flatulence. Hey, I recall
that when the dar-list began way back when, someone wrote a parody of
Babysitter called "The Port-o-Shitter's Here." Maybe someone on the list
has saved it. Depends on whether you want to include it, I guess.

Oh, and somebody else wrote something called "When I Was a Dog," which
might be in the archives from a LONG time ago.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Sat, 15 Feb 1997 21:36:45 -0500 (EST)
From: Sally A Green <sagreen@biology.lsa.umich.edu>
To: Dar Williams Mailing List <dar-list@world.std.com>
Cc: Sally A Green <sagreen@biology.lsa.umich.edu>
Subject: Le Burp

My treacherous mind, knowing full well that I have a seminar to prepare
and preliminary exams to take, has caused me to play Apeiron (an Ambrosia
software game like Centipede) for the last half hour. One of the cool
things about this game is that sometimes the mushrooms burp really loud.
So it reminded me of our past thread about how we would pay a lot of money
for a CD of Dar burping. And THAT reminded me of a little parody that I
was mulling over in my head earlier today. So, without further ado, I
humbly give you:

"You're Burping Well"

(Intro: sound of Dar and Joan Baez sitting around clinking glasses.)

Joan: BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRP.
Dar: Good one, Joan! BURRRP.
Joan: That was good, Dar, but try use your diaphragm a little more.
Dar: BURRRRRRRP.
Joan: Not bad, but use your whole stomach. And drink some more pop
first. Do me proud.
Dar: BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP.
Joan: Now you're burping!

(Fade to guitar)

Why is it, that as we grow older and bigger,
The grownups take us aside and make us polite?
Saying, "Cover your mouth. Don't be rude. Where are your manners?
Oh, I don't like the rules that the rule-makers make.

So I'm going to steal out, with my Coke, and my Pepsi
I'll burp my lungs out; I'll drink every drop
It's the Chappaqua scandal, the Belchertown vandal
She goes out and burps all in public

You wake up in the morning, and the fingers point to you
They say, "I'm so glad you're finally burping now.
Your poor tummy hurt, but now it's all out.
And this is your beer, and it always starts here,
And oh, you're burping well."

Well, I know a woman with a collection of pills
She could fight back the hundreds of belches she had
She could drink all the Coke, she could fend off her need
And with manners she found she could stifle every burp

But one voice got through and caught her up by surprise
It said, "Don't hold us back, we're the belches you can free."
And no sooner than spoken, a spell had been broken
And the belches before her were trumpets and tympani

Not violins, but basses, and trombones, and tubas, burping

"We're so glad you finally let us loose.
You thought someone would hear, but they don't, they don't care.
And now you'll burp through the days while the orchestra plays,
And oh, you're burping well."

Now when I was fifteen, I knew it was over.
The road to relief was not mine to take.
'Cause all the pop and the beer should be half what they are.
I was stifling the burps that the beverages made.

And all I could drink was the carbonated beverage.
And that's not carbonation I was meant to release.
And I was all out of choices, but the Woman of Belches.
She turned 'round the corner with soda around her.

She gave me the rudeness that keeps me alive, she said,
"I'm so glad you're finally belching now.
With the belches you have now, you know, you could win a Burping Contest.
Swigging back, guzzling far, belching right where we are,
And oh, you're burping, oh, I'm burping, oh, aren't we burping well?"