And this, although not a parody, was quite humorous.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Sun, 7 Dec 1997 22:11:46 -0800
From: Mike Thompson <not2hip@juno.com>
Reply-To: dar-list@world.std.com
To: dar-list@world.std.com
Subject: Ho Ho Ho

With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore and real writers everywhere:

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the List
The words were all peaceful, no one was dissed.
The spirit of Christmas, we all understood
Meant that we should be kind and be sweet and be good.

And Tom the Listmaster was glad to report
The incoming posts were blessedly short.
So Tom and the folks at Razor & Tie
Drifted to sleep with a soft gentle sigh

Secure in the knowledge that all would be well
And EOTS would continue to sell.
When up in her room Dar arose with a start
And realized that she had a fast-pounding heart.

And evil idea had come in a dream
She knew it was wrong, but how wrong did it seem?
Now Dar, as we know, does not read the Dar List
Curiosity pricked her, just what had she missed?

She said, "What would the harm be in one little peek?"
And to her PC she did quietly sneak.
She signed on under the password of Tom
And accessed the archives at pobox.com

When what to her wondering eyes did appear
As she scanned all the posts from the previous year.
"Oh no! Oh no!" she cried in the night
"They bicker and argue and squabble and fight!"

"They're nervous, they're anxious, they think they've been conned
They think I've sold out because I've gone blonde.
They argue of whether I'm lesbian or straight
Why sometimes these posts are nothing but hate!

I thought that these people would try to connect
Instead they debate what's politically correct.
They write of the problems they say the band has
Why, someone called dear Billy Masters a spaz!

They worry that I'll get as big as Madonna
And argue if I'm pro or con marijuana.
And "wrote you" or "row choo" makes people get sore
It's driving me mad, I can't take any more!

I want to bring peace, and torn fences mend
I don't want to split or divide or offend.
For all that I want is to be a nice girl
>From now on I'll only do songs like the Spice Girls!"

So Dar began writing as thoughts came her way
It's easy to write when you've nothing to say.
More rapid than eagles the verses they came
She soon had ten songs that all sounded the same.

And as Christmas dawned, she thought, "No time to lose"
And she called all her friends to tell them the news.
She said, "I have an album that won't cause a fight
It won't make you think, you don't have to be bright."

She played just one song from this album so vapid
And Charlie's response was decisive and rapid.
He sent out an email to all of the Listers,
All of the brothers and all of the sisters.

"Now Sally! Now Kerry! Now Katie and John!
On Sherlyn! On Suzi! On Lisa and Ron!
We'll tell Dar she's crazy! She's out of her mind!
But could you find out some way to make it sound kind?"

So all of us travelled to Northampton, Mass
And broke down Dar's door with a thunderous crash.
We sat her right down and we started to cuss
And then we said, "Listen - you listen to us."

We told her she must not write music so bland
She must not give up 'cause the List's out of hand.
"Most other music is just like warm milk,
But yours is like chocolate and rainbows and silk.

If we argue and bicker and fight and carouse
It's because of the passions your lyrics arouse.
Oh Dar, if you stop you will choke off our breath.
You'll stop our heart beat, you'll starve us to death.

Please feed us your music or we will just die.
And we will behave, we'll certainly try."
A wink of her eye and a twist of her head
Soon gave us to know we had nothing to dread.

Dar sprang to her feet, she shooed us right out.
She told us it's Christmas and we must not pout.
And we heard her exclaim, ere we drove out of sight
Merry Christmas to all, I've got music to write!"


Merry Christmas, everybody.

Love,

Mike